Resolutions... Some things that have worked for me

New Year’s resolutions, we all make them, I know I do. Every year it's stop this or start that. I can't tell you how many of my own never panned out and it can really get frustrating! But over the years, they've gotten better, well maybe it's ME that got better. Better at understanding WHY they don't work. For me, more often than not, it's simply because the resolution itself, while meaningful and approached with full intent, is unrealistic or unspecific.

First, ask yourself this: Why does it take a New Year to start to try and make your life better? Is it because the boob tube commercial on New Years eve is offering a discount on joining a gym?

I've done just fine setting and achieving big or small goals in June, probably more so than the horrific "New Years Resolution". Uh oh... New Years... I better diet and shape up! If you want to improve, then improve! It shouldn't matter when, should it?

To be clear, I'm not by any stretch saying there is a miracle cure to achieving resolutions and this may or may not help, but maybe a few people might take something away from it. Over the years, I've tried to do many different things myself, I'm sure you have too. Some were smashing successes while others crash and burn failures. But I've learned. I've definitely picked up some great ideas along the way. One of them, I think the most important, is asking myself the right questions like "WHY do I really want this change?"



So here's what I know. I know myself and I know that if I say I'm going to do something, I usually do it. For me, its all about being realistic with myself and realistic with what I'm trying to achieve. Many people set weight loss for example as their New Years resolution and that's great to want to get healthier if that's what they feel. So how about this, instead of saying "I'm going to lose some weight" or "I'm going to lose < insert realistic amount > pounds"... but also adding the "HOW".... Very specifically. Without knowing "How", how then is it even possible to KNOW what is a realistic amount. Forget even about losing weight, how is it possible to set ANY goal without knowing "How" it's going to happen?

It may be simple sounding but bear with me, there's more to it. If I'm going to even bother making plans to change something in my life, I want to have a plan. Not only that but a plan that ITSELF is achievable. So if the plan is to lose weight, then I better make damn sure that I can even AFFORD the gym, or meal plan or whatever it may be that I've decided to use as my weight loss plan. Similarly, if the plan is someone who wants to quit smoking, then research the best methods with proven success because I can't tell you how many of my own friends have failed at it. I remember two friends who bet who could go the longest without smoking. They made the bet literally over a beer keg! They had no plan and just tried to quit cold turkey. I remember thinking how doomed this was from the get go (even though going cold turkey does not have the highest proven success rate). Needless to say, it didn't last very long, I think it was a few days!

So whatever it is you want to do better, gain, lose, mute or erase as your New Years resolution, or any resolution for that matter, if you'll permit me, maybe have a look at the following and please, consider what I'm trying to share, maybe some of it will help. I've also been able to apply this to other areas in my life for different goals I've set out to achieve.

The first thing I try to do is get as detailed as I can about what it is I want to achieve. More than that, I really dig and find the WHY. Why do I want to make this change in my life? Then I get detailed about the WHY. This might take some time and some serious soul searching, maybe even a little painful, but its completely worth it.

I also like to talk to a support team, namely, my friends and family and PUBLICLY tell them what I'm planning. This really gives me greater incentive to not let them down. If I tell my friends that I'm going to do something, then I have people that can hold me accountable and if I start slacking, then I'M the one who feels like I let ME down. Plus friends are always good for giving you a good kick when you're down, at least mine are! That's a pretty strong motivator.

Here’s another suggestion that really helps me a lot. Write it down... everything... as much and as detailed as I can. If I’m being honest with myself and I’m going to spend the time on this, then I’ll spend it and make it as specific as I can. The more detailed and fine tuned I can get, the more it will motivate me and the more I’ll understand WHY I want or need to achieve something.

Stay at it! Don't quit! Give 110%! And enter any other cliche you want right here. Just don't give up. If you’ve tried and didn’t succeed before, then maybe this is the right time to try again. It’s taken me several tries before as well to do some of the things I've set out to do. But I’ve learned these few things that I’ve written down here. Once you get a good grasp on your goal and an even better grasp on yourself and your real reasons for wanting to do something, then in my heart I really believe you can and WILL succeed. This has all really helped me in my life and I truly hope it can help you who may be reading this.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you set out to achieve. If any of this helps you, then I'm happier than I was five minutes ago.

Have a prosperous and successful New Year!

What's it gonna take?

This morning I was putting my little 3.5 year old buy Aden into the car to drive him to preschool. He looks at me, puts his hand on my face and says, "Daddy, your face is hairy, you need to shave!" After I finished laughing my ass off, merely at the fact that this little boy spurted out such a thing, it actually got me thinking.


I got into the car and I remembered that not too long ago, I was living in New York, with only the dream of having a child of my own and the dream of getting out of NY. Back then, I can remember actually role playing, when I would be driving in my car alone, I would sometimes look at the passenger seat and imagine talking to my then non existent son. ( WOW! that's kind of embarrassing to say). Well here I am, 5 years since I moved to San Diego, with a completely different life, but more than that, a very different mindset. To my family and those closest to me, it wasn't hard to see I really wanted to get out of NY back then. I just didn't have the opportunity. I was running two businesses and really, as I thought, couldn't just uproot them.


The truth is, looking back, I could have. But it took a very powerful motivating factor for me to change that outlook. An opportunity had presented itself and I latched onto it and figured out what I had to do.


What it took me, what motivated me to get going, isn't what I want to express in this blog.


Recently someone close to me has been having difficulties in his life and as I see it, he's just lacking that one thing, that one really strong motivating moment, where he can draw the strength and pick up the pieces to move forward. Lately, it's just been a bunch of sidestepping, avoidance, unclear paths and very poor time management. Sure I've tried to offer some constructive advice, perhaps he can benefit from things I had gone through and possible learn something from MY mistakes. But when you're speaking with someone who thinks they have all the answers even before the questions were written, well as you can imagine, it's really hard to make a dent, let alone, try to convince them that I might know something they don't.


The opportunity that presented itself to motivate me to move was very fortunate. But I think if we look, try to find motivating factors in our lives, we can accomplish what we need to. This was a free but very valuable lesson that I learned and still apply in my own life. The thing is, how do I get this across to someone who thinks they know everything, whose ego is constantly in the way, who will never admit that they don't know the answer to something. How do you get through to someone like this. I really only want to help but it's so damn frustrating when they won't even listen, to anyone!


I have already suggested that he get into some psychological counseling but I'm pretty sure that will never happen! That would mean admitting that they don't know how to solve their own problems, which in all sincerity, is the essence of their issue, and he definitely won't admit to that.


There's something that I have learned in my life when trying to figure out a solution - and I am a VERY firm believer that there is a solution to every problem. It's not to worry about the "How?" The key is to begin taking steps, big or small, in the direction you need to go and you will find that the "How?" will present itself along the way. For example, one issue I had to deal with was packing up my home and my businesses to move to California. Initially, I looked at it as "How the hell am I going to do this, pack all this stuff up?" Then I remembered to stop focussing on the "How?" and just start taking steps. I packed the first few dishes and before I knew it, the house was packed. Then I kept moving, I had that momentum cooking! The "How?" was simply to do it.


I think if this person would just start taking steps in the right direction, things might begin to change and other doors might open up. But I can't "reach" him. On the outside, he puts up this facade that everything is great when I know good and well that the is suffering in his life.


What can I do?


Maybe you have some ideas or suggestions. Feel free to comment.