January 12, 2012

What's it gonna take?

This morning I was putting my little 3.5 year old buy Aden into the car to drive him to preschool. He looks at me, puts his hand on my face and says, "Daddy, your face is hairy, you need to shave!" After I finished laughing my ass off, merely at the fact that this little boy spurted out such a thing, it actually got me thinking.

I got into the car and I remembered that not too long ago, I was living in New York, with only the dream of having a child of my own and the dream of getting out of NY. Back then, I can remember actually role playing, when I would be driving in my car alone, I would sometimes look at the passenger seat and imagine talking to my then non existent son. ( WOW! that's kind of embarrassing to say). Well here I am, 5 years since I moved to San Diego, with a completely different life, but more than that, a very different mindset. To my family and those closest to me, it wasn't hard to see I really wanted to get out of NY back then. I just didn't have the opportunity. I was running two businesses and really, as I thought, couldn't just uproot them.

The truth is, looking back, I could have. But it took a very powerful motivating factor for me to change that outlook. An opportunity had presented itself and I latched onto it and figured out what I had to do.

What it took me, what motivated me to get going, isn't what I want to express in this blog.

Recently someone close to me has been having difficulties in his life and as I see it, he's just lacking that one thing, that one really strong motivating moment, where he can draw the strength and pick up the pieces to move forward. Lately, it's just been a bunch of sidestepping, avoidance, unclear paths and very poor time management. Sure I've tried to offer some constructive advice, perhaps he can benefit from things I had gone through and possible learn something from MY mistakes. But when you're speaking with someone who thinks they have all the answers even before the questions were written, well as you can imagine, it's really hard to make a dent, let alone, try to convince them that I might know something they don't.

The opportunity that presented itself to motivate me to move was very fortunate. But I think if we look, try to find motivating factors in our lives, we can accomplish what we need to. This was a free but very valuable lesson that I learned and still apply in my own life. The thing is, how do I get this across to someone who thinks they know everything, whose ego is constantly in the way, who will never admit that they don't know the answer to something. How do you get through to someone like this. I really only want to help but it's so damn frustrating when they won't even listen, to anyone!

I have already suggested that he get into some psychological counseling but I'm pretty sure that will never happen! That would mean admitting that they don't know how to solve their own problems, which in all sincerity, is the essence of their issue, and he definitely won't admit to that.

There's something that I have learned in my life when trying to figure out a solution - and I am a VERY firm believer that there is a solution to every problem. It's not to worry about the "How?" The key is to begin taking steps, big or small, in the direction you need to go and you will find that the "How?" will present itself along the way. For example, one issue I had to deal with was packing up my home and my businesses to move to California. Initially, I looked at it as "How the hell am I going to do this, pack all this stuff up?" Then I remembered to stop focussing on the "How?" and just start taking steps. I packed the first few dishes and before I knew it, the house was packed. Then I kept moving, I had that momentum cooking! The "How?" was simply to do it.

I think if this person would just start taking steps in the right direction, things might begin to change and other doors might open up. But I can't "reach" him. On the outside, he puts up this facade that everything is great when I know good and well that the is suffering in his life.

What can I do?

Maybe you have some ideas or suggestions. Feel free to comment.

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